YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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