i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
