im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
