this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
