That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
