I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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