Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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