Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
