I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We have started to decorate penises.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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