highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
