Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
