There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
