when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
