Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
