dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
