Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
