Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
