my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
