He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
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Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you inspire me to be a worse person
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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