It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
