No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
bring money and cleavage
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
