This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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