question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
