the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
