did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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