The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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