It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
