Just took my morning after pill in the library
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
