____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
you are never too drunk for berry picking
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
