we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
