you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
