I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
