life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
