Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
