i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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