Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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