me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
