I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
