i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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