She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
