It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
