dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
