new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
