he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
