I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
