What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
