I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
