yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
