Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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