How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just saw a hot homeless man
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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