the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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