Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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