and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sorry my hands just texted you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
