i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
