i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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