Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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