piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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