im about as happy as oj after his trial
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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