Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my being single is dangerous.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
