I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
