My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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