You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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