sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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