just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
